As I'm writing this, the album hasn't come out yet, at least officially. Talk about hype freak... It's also 2am, so things will sound weird and rough and tired, don't expect anything coherent.
I came back from school today, thinking about the new month, how fast time seems to pass and how excited I was for the coming days. I was specifically yearning for this month, October 4th to be exact. Lots of things to be hyped about. Lots of new albums, new interviews, new talent seeping through every pore of the internet. Not sure why so many chose that day in particular, but I vibe with it.
As of now, October 1st, it feels like Holy, Holy released just last week, and black midi broke up the week before, but the wait that lied in between August 15th and now was grueling to say the least. I mean, not really, but the anticipation really kept me on the edge of my seat pretty much the whole time. In the meanwhile, I discovered new albums and artists I've found myself truly enjoying; 3D Country by Geese, A Dream Is All We Know by The Lemon Twigs, Slide and Ooh Rap I Ya by George Clanton and, more recently, Aja by Steely Dan (all albums I'd love to talk about someday!)... I kept my hype at bay, regularly listening to the (then only) single as well, so I had absolutely no shortage of amazing music before I could truly sit down and be ready for The New Sound. Still, the hype remained grueling, so you gotta understand my situation here. Just hear me out for a minute.
Back to today, I saw a notification pop up and my heart skipped a beat. I was convinced the album leaked early, there's no way they'd release a single three days from the record, not with how much time it felt like I (and many others) had been willing to wait! (I'm aware it's very common practice, I was just in disbelief...) ignoring the fact the entire new album actually leaked yesterday, which I only recently found out, I was holding off from listening to it, not wanting to spoil myself the surprise of the big first track. Somehow the big "Official Audio" plastered onto the title was not enough to get rid of my skepticism.
I eventually said, "Fuck it, it's official." Pressed play and was left...
Underwhelmed...? Overwhelmed? Confused???
It's absolutely fucking brilliant, nothing short of it, an amazing song with amazing, gut-wrenching lyrics (more on those later) and a precise, fast-paced, panic-inducing instrumental, graced by none other than Morgan Simpson on the drums! (Hell yeah!!!)
...I can't say that's how it felt after the first listen, though. In fact, when compared to the incredibly catchy, steely dan-infested Holy, Holy, it barely left a mark on the first round. It took a while to get used to, and I'm really not sure if I digged the studio version so much then, especially when put against various live versions, which featured a more generally grandiose feel, more strings, a higher climax, more chaos... But whatever, there's a reason why he wanted to strip it down, after all you can't have a whole album (much less a song) full of grand epic climaxes, it'd get old quickly. I first wished they went a bit more overboard with everything else, but the more I listened to it the more I appreciated how insanely precise everything is, from the guitars to the drum playing. Besides, the studio version's climax remains nothing shirt of chills-inducing. Morgan's a damn legend.
As for the songwriting, he mentions in an interview the lyrics were originally much more spoken-word, and any trace of singing came to him in the one, final take, so it's mostly improvised. Considering just how much of his performance is exclusively spoken-word croonish rambling, I'd be surprised to know how it would've sounded before... His delivery's damn near maniacal, not unlike anything I've heard on The Race Is About To Begin, but he still manages to push the envelope.
The culprit is a pretentious, full-of-himself (presumably) young adult, who spends all day ruminating on himself, his intellectuality, superiority and (a common theme I assume will be omnipresent in this album) very, very fragile masculinity. An archetype, the "silent, thinking" type, the "I'm lonely by my own volition because I'm just too good, too mysterious, no one understands my intellect" type, trying to make himself look quiet, thinking, dangerous, badass in front of an imaginary audience behind an imaginary roaming camera.
The narrator is just as pretentious, if not more, and proves to be absolutely done with the guy's bullshit. He repeatedly mocks him and describes his thoughts and actions, making bold affirmations in a thick sarcastic tone throughout the whole thing. He makes fun of the way he talks, acts, dresses, his self-proclaimed virtues and his ego, pinning him down into a profile analysis after analysis. His rambling starts escalating into more ridiculous and dramatic statements, before reaching:
"You are ready to admit to murder, to assault, to robbery, to pederasty, to fraud/ You are ready to admit for every crime of all men/ But the jury is out to lunch".
What a line.
The music pauses for a brief moment and resumes immediately alongside the narrator. If you got to this part of the song thinking it was dramatic, you haven't heard even half of it yet.
His hatred for the character can't and won't stop to a mere psychological breakdown, it's simply not enough. In the next part, he's willing to go further. He imagines the character's body protesting against him, breaking itself down in a detailed description of all his life-depending organs and systems growing their own conscience and abandoning him, failing on him out of pure shame for his soul; the way he led his heart to an abandoned void will be the same way his vessel will be left to vanish out of shame. As he turns himself inside out every piece of him leaves his body, his legs refusing to bear his weight, his mind abstracting itself into nothingness (presumably from all the self-reflection) and his veins springing out to transport trains. (what the hell was the train thing about?)
All of this is described in the same way a predicament would, "Soon your lips will expand/[...] Soon you'll disappear".
After that, he goes absolutely brutal. "The first step is acceptance" - all his hidden feelings, all his little shameful secrets he keeps hidden from himself are presented back to him, all his doubts, insecurities, all the shrapnel hiding behind his clean Napoleon jacket, thrown into his eyes with no warning - "Admit you have no idea what you are doing/ Admit you have no name and no ambition/ Admit that you sleepwalk through life/ Admit that you sleep only sleepless nights", it rushes back to him, being aware of his clear-view issues instead of hiding them behind leather sheen is the only way he can prevent his soul to irreparably rot and his body to soon abandon him out of shame; "Admit to yourself - no one else cares/ There’s no jury present, there’s no reporters/ There’s no examination, it's only you"
Grueling, ruthless, he ventures into another detailed description of his demise, before hitting him with the hard truth for one last time:
"You'll be fine, just relax/ Soon you'll disappear, that's the only fact."
Inflate your mind with all your thoughts, your ruminations, your shame, melancholies, analises and certainties, there's only one truth and one solution to keep it from abstracting your mind into nothing; you're gonna die no matter what you do, so stop being a fucking wanker and start doing something about yourself.
At least, that's what I got out of it.